MHA #7 | Thursday Evening

[flourish_or_perish]

It had been a long, long, long few days of following space trails and watching new friends die and putting old boyfriends in carbonite. And regardless of one's position as the chaser versus chasee in this space chase, Faye kind of thought everyone had earned a little rest. And maybe some forgiveness.

Maybe especially her. Especially since she had caught a cold in all of this, so who was the real victim, here? (Did it matter that she wouldn't have caught a cold if she hadn't run off to a frozen crime moon? Psh, no.)

So, once everything was settled and the Razor Crest was landed and all bounties returned for their twenty dollar reward and such, Faye led the way back to her apartment. And Stark's, next door, but she was kind of hoping he'd just come in with her. Even she wasn't so dense (or in denial) to not realize she had a lot more explaining to do.

And what's more, she actually kind of felt like she owed it to him. She wanted to talk, even if it was hard.

So when they got to their doors, she lingered before actually making herself say the words. "You're coming in, right?"

[for the alien I just modded]

Comments

[stykera]

Stark had managed not to catch anything, even while spending time kneeling in the snow without a coat to tend to a dying man. Maybe Baniks didn't get colds.

"I could," he said, hesitating just a moment before answering. "If you're sure you want me to?"

He wanted to follow. He wanted to talk. He wanted to make sure she wasn't going to disappear again when he wasn't looking. He was just feeling unsure about everything at the moment.

[flourish_or_perish]

"I'm sure," Faye replied, and she even reached for his hand to tug him in with her. "I mean. If you want."

Funnily enough, running away had made her feel almost clingy, now, afterwards. She hadn't been lying when she'd said she'd realized it had been a mistake.

[stykera]

Stark would accept clinginess. Clinginess was much better than avoidance.

He'd also accept being pulled along into the apartment. He felt clingy too, among other things. Other things that would, hopefully, be worked on soon.

"I do want to. I... yes. Please."

They did need to talk.

[flourish_or_perish]

And once Faye had the door shut -- between how vulnerable she already felt and what she had to say, she wanted to try to prevent other ears from hearing this -- the words spilled forth.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Any of it. All of it.

Faye had never been good at apologizing, but she was forcing herself to look at him now, because this was important.

[stykera]

"But you did do it."

Stark had spent enough time already not making eye contact. He was looking at her steadily now.

"You could have talked to me," he continued quietly. "You didn't have to leave. I would have listened. No matter what you needed to say."

[flourish_or_perish]

"Yeah, I know," Faye admitted. "But leaving felt like the only thing I could do, at the time. And I know that's stupid, and I know I screwed up, but I just --"

She waved a hand helplessly.

"This is what I meant when I said I'm a mess. I got scared, and I made the absolute worst choice. And I didn't even really get the fight I was looking for, anyway. All I did was hurt you, and I'm sorry."

[stykera]

"I was scared too," Stark said, looking down at his hands. "When we were looking for you. When we found you." You know. Handcuffed, in a strange man's bed on a crime moon.

"I understand being scared. I just...I don't know. Are you going to do it again?" He looked up then.

His glowy little heart couldn't take it, Faye.

"It did hurt."

[flourish_or_perish]

"No," Faye said slowly, and if it felt like stalling, well.

She had to work up a little courage here.

"No, I'm not going to do it again. Probably. Not without telling you. Not like that. I hate that I hurt you."

Deep breath.

"And I love you too."

Which was also why she had left in the first place, but that was Faye for you. She couldn't stop being full of contradictions even if she tried. (Though she would at least be making an effort to let Stark in on those contradictory thought processes, going forward. She could do that much.)

[stykera]

No takebacks, Faye. You said it out loud and the squirrels were probably preparing glitter cannons at this very moment.

Stark hadn't smiled since speaking to Edward, because not smiling at Edward had been nearly impossible, but he was positively beaming now.

"Oh."

There were still hurts to be dealt with. Discussions to be had. But for this moment, right now, he could be happy. Everything else could wait long enough for him to close the distance between them and wrap his arms around her. He'd wanted to hold onto her since they found her. Since before they found her. They could have a moment.

[flourish_or_perish]

"I didn't leave because I didn't. Because I don't," Faye said softly, leaning into him. It was very nice to be held right now. Partly because she was exhausted, and partly because it had taken everything she had left to manage to say that right now, and it had turned out to not be that scary, after all. "I left because I do. And it's less scary now."

See, look, she was trying to explain.

[stykera]

Stark was just going to climb for a bit. Maybe bury his face in Faye's hair and take a few deep breaths before speaking.

"Good. I don't want to be scary. I want..."

He wasn't entirely sure what he wanted. This was a good start.

"When you were gone, I thought...I thought you were gone."

[flourish_or_perish]

"I thought I was," Faye admitted. "I meant to be. That doesn't mean it wasn't a mistake."

Because it absolutely had been. Just because it was how she had handled all her problems up to this point, that didn't mean it had ever been the right course of action.

Stupid Din, being right with his not-running-away-from-things advice. Stupid Gren, making her see how dumb she'd been.

But the very fact that she was staying here, and wrapping her arms hesitantly up around Stark, and just closing her eyes and feeling him against her hair -- that probably spoke to how she wasn't planning on leaving again.

"I won't leave again. Not without telling you."

But maybe he needed to hear it.

[stykera]

Stark did need to hear it. He might need it repeated, later.

"Please don't." He would not do well if he had to go through this again. "Once was hard enough."

He had no intentions of letting go of her anytime soon. Not unless he had to. He was tired but if he had to stand here all night he would.

"Mistakes can be corrected," he added quietly.

[flourish_or_perish]

"I didn't expect you to come after me," she admitted quietly. "No one's ever come after me before."

And there was the admission that she had done this multiple times. She had done this to people they'd met, even. Edward had told them!

[stykera]

"I had to try," Stark said. "I didn't think I'd find you but I had to try. I wouldn't have been able to, without Din."

He owed Din a huge debt. He had no idea how to even approach that.

"You're important," he added, as if that explained everything. Maybe it did. Of course he'd come after her. Anyone who hadn't had made a mistake, clearly.

[flourish_or_perish]

"I'm not, but thanks," Faye replied, managing a wobbly little smile at that. "And that's a whole other thing -- I don't...."

How to phrase this.

"I'm not anything. I don't know who I am," she said, fairly earnest for Faye. "I'm three and a half years' worth of trying to figure my shit out and calling that a personality. I don't -- how could anyone love me, when I don't even know who me is, you know?"

It wasn't exactly poor self-esteem so much as just an ongoing, perpetual identity crisis. And Faye was willing to accept that he felt about her the way that he did, but maybe that would go some way in explaining why she was having such a hard time with it.

Particularly when you considered that Whitney had known a completely blank slate, without even those three years' of cobbled-together personality traits.

[stykera]

Stark shook his head a little and took a step back, rather reluctantly loosening his hold on Faye so he could look at her properly.

"Of course you're something. You're you. And you can figure that out," he said. "You have time. I haven't always known who I was. Just what, sometimes. But if you...I'll be here. If I can help, with learning who you are."

[flourish_or_perish]

"But you heard him," Faye protested softly. "I didn't mean to find -- you know I thought he was dead, but he'd know, if anyone would." Or the doctor would, but Faye wasn't optimistic about finding that guy. "I don't know what's me and what's just...made up."

But, that being said, she had heard what Stark said and even amidst those protests, the what registered. "And I...I'm sorry I made you do all of that, but I'm so glad you were there for Gren." Even if she'd only known the man for a matter of hours.

[stykera]

"I heard him," Stark agreed. And he'd wanted to hit him for you, Faye! "And I know you thought he was dead. He lied to you." Hence the whole desire to hit him. "About that. He could have still been lying. And even if you are just 'made up'...I like the you you've made up. I don't know that I didn't make myself up, sometimes." He definitely had, sometimes.

"I'm sorry we couldn't save him but I was glad I could help him," he continued in a softer tone. "Glad I could make it easier. He went where he was meant to go. That, at least, I'm sure of."

[flourish_or_perish]

Look, the wanting-to-hit-him thing was very appealing. It would be even more so when she figured out who else he'd wanted to hit.

"Then everyone ended up where they were meant to," Faye decided. "Whitney's in jail." And now Din had half a tank of gas and, like, space Applejacks for Grogu. "Gren's...where Gren went." Titan. But elsewhere, too.

"And I'm here." And that had her closing the distance between them again to carefully tilt her head up to press a kiss to Stark's cheek.

[stykera]

Whitney had a very punchable face. Maybe it was the eyebrows. And the other one just had a very punchable air about him. Good thing he was off in space in another version of the galaxy and unlikely to trouble Stark any further.

"You are here," he said, lifting his hand to brush his fingers over the spot on his cheek she'd just kissed. "And you're staying." It wasn't a question that time. Just a statement of fact.

"I was so worried."

[flourish_or_perish]

"I know you were," Faye said gently. "There really wasn't much reason to be. I mean, other than that I left in the first place. But it wasn't so bad, on Callisto. If you guys went by the Bebop, first, Jet probably made it sound really bad."

Oh, Jet, that worrywart.

[stykera]

"You leaving was enough," Stark protested. He'd panicked just from that! "I was...I was left behind before and it was happening again and that was more than enough. And then we found you handcuffed. After you got into a fight. I had plenty of reasons to worry. But it wasn't Jet. Jet was helpful. And Edward. I liked them. And the dog." Ein had been helpful too, if being adorable and pettable counted.

"But you're here. And you're fine." Was he reassuring himself of these facts by repeating them? Absolutely. Putting his hand out to brush back her hair and cup her cheek was also a reassurance.